I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
