My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
