her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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