giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
