Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Randomize
