I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
