I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
How does one acquire holy water?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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