I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
