I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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