his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize