Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
