he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Alive.
So much puke
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
