My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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