Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize