her vagine was all disorganized.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize