You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
