your parents love me but you hate me
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
