so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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