He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
