I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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