but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
