Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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