Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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