Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
You've changed since you got that strap on
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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