Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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