He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
