i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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