please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
