I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
