i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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