I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize