It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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