i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize