Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
