I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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