my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
