WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
