he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
