Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
