my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
