found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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