We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
