dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
