I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
