I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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