all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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