I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I had to cum in my sink.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
