Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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