he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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