I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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