eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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