Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
