Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
