I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
you had me at cake vodka
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
