then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
