Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
