Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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