I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
