end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
There's always time for handjobs
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
