Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
