You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
