Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
