some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize