I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
